Shattered Tears (wiccan7) wrote in get_a_life,
Shattered Tears


Well the unthinkable has happened the very first guy I had any interest in this town when I moved here actually says he likes me but... brace yourself people....(especially Dan) I had quite a few violent seizures on the bus ride down to Ann Arbor, So "guy" who is quite the caring person kept a hold of both of my hands so he could keep me calm and when i wasn't having seizures i was shaking to all hell so he kept a hold of me and kept rubbing my hands to try and relax my muscles and get me to calm down. At the concert I started to fall asleep so I leaned my head on his shoulder and went to sleep and did the same thing on the bus ride home.. We weren't separated for more than 5 min at a time from each other and stuck close by the whole trip...every now and then id latch on to his arm for support on the ice lol(damn high heeled shoes) But on the way home things got ugly..... His hands went farther than my arms and hands.... I didn't know what to do I was completely freaked out and confused And then that pressed me into what i think is the worst seizures imaginable. the kind where you are still half conscious and start walking around or doing shit..... But apparently I responded to him..... I couldn't believe it I didn't even remember doing it all that he said was "that felt better than the back massage"... My whole self just dropped and I wanted to kill myself because I wasn't single to begin with and because I didn't know what even happened because I was out and I didn't know what had happened until he said that.. That's why I hate those kind of seizures because you have no control over your body..... Sometimes you even start talking and saying random things or stuff you normally wouldn't tell anyone.... I don't know what to do.. God I just want to die right now you have no idea.... You have no idea how this feels...... I just want to curl up into a little ball in the back of my closet and die there.... when I realized what happened I started smacking my head against the metal on the window and just started crying and normally not something i do in front of people that often.... oh forgot the event before that.. He said "no offense but I believe there is only one person for everyone you are really great but take no offense to this but your just my little amusement park" then after I started crying harder he tried to apologize and say that he didn't know how to act around me.... Somebody pull the trigger and erase my life from all knowledge erase all the pain I feel and the pain this entry will bring others... Im so sorry I had no idea what happened... SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO BEFORE I END UP DEAD!!!!!!!
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